Confidence is truly so sexy, don't you think? We all know those people who are super confident and command attention for various causes/reasons like Oprah, Angelina Jolie, Madonna and of course the Kardashian's. Having turned 45 this year and noticing a few more lines and grey hairs popping up, I find myself looking for more. How do we embrace our age and what comes (or goes) with it? Oh don't you worry, I am still all about fighting a good fight with mother nature. I still believe in feeling good in our skin and drinking from that fountain of youth. However, I started feeling like there must be more. So I thought I would take a deeper dive into what Real Confidence means.
Real Confidence (after reading and following many experts on the subject), I believe, is the ability to love ourselves - with flaws and all. Body image, self-love… we're such hypocrites aren't we? We tell our young girls that they should love themselves and be comfortable in their own skin, yet we follow Kylie Jenner on Instagram and buy the latest People magazine with all the (so called) "beautiful" celebrities on the cover. Believe me, I struggle with this myself. I work in an industry known for its superficial approach to "beauty". So who am I to blog about this? I guess because I struggle with it so much, I wanted to share my thoughts. I have amazing clients and professional contacts and we talk about this often. What I come back to over and over again is "what makes you feel good"? Not "what do you think you should look like/do/eat, etc?"
No matter what body you're in, or what reflection is staring back at you in the mirror, we all find flaws. Even Kylie Jenner has things about herself she doesn't like. Yes, even the perfect looking Kylie Jenner! (You can read about her post pregnancy insecurities here). I think that should be a lesson to us all. What we actually look like has little bearing on our self confidence. So many of us think when we see someone with a great body, a nice car and designer clothes on - they must be so happy and confident. They are living the perfect life! Wrong. Many people feel the need to surround themselves with expensive clothes and toys when they are looking for happiness. Don't get me wrong, I love all those things too! (Who doesn’t?) However, they don't make us happy. True happiness comes from within. That is the true pot of gold.
Social media is another contributor chipping away at our confidence levels. We see perfectly filtered faces and happy faces painted throughout our newsfeed. I would love for each person to post their lowest moment of the week as well as the happy times. If we could actually see everyone's low moments, we'd realize that we are all just real people who have good and bad times like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think people should post “poor-me” pictures to drum up sympathy, rather just share some of the usual crap we deal with so we can laugh it off or deal with it in a more positive way. Our 14 year old dog, Laverne, has had diarrhea for 2 days - believe me that has not been fun! I'll hold off on any posts about that though. The point is we all have shit to deal with - literal or not. :), celebrity or not, millionaire or not.
So how do we learn to love ourselves? How do we see our flaws and embrace them? I don't really have an answer and I am most definitely no expert on the subject, however, I will share what helps me feel confident. I do my best to stay in shape, to be healthy and show my 2 preteen girls that it's important to be active. I try (I could use to try harder) to make healthy food choices. I feel so empowered when I make better choices, in all aspects of my life. Working out is probably the most empowering thing I do for myself. Whether it's a bike ride, going to my boot-camp classes at hourglass, or even going for a walk with my dogs, I feel stronger and that feeds my confidence. Also, I have always found that wearing clothes that I feel good in, makes me feel confident. They don't need to be name brand or be expensive either. They just need to suit me and feel comfortable. You'll usually find me in jeans whenever possible. I do love my jeans!
How about Aging? This one is a tough one. I struggle with this a bit. I am part of a very vain industry, but I do not consider myself a vain person. I believe we should all take care of ourselves which includes our faces. Our faces need a lot of love as they are always exposed to the elements. Both skin care treatments and great home care products are so important to both protect and nourish our skin. I also believe that if we can do treatments that help us to feel more confident, then why not?
My goal with each client is to help them feel more confident. If getting rid of a sun spot, broken capillary or unwanted hair helps, then let's do it!
In closing, I think Real Confidence is:
Taking good care of yourself - some sort of exercise, proper skin care regime and eating healthy;
Choosing to be positive - positive energy is so contagious;
Being kind and respectful of others (and to Yourself!);
A style. Yes, find a style you like to wear. How you like to project yourself. Kind of like choosing a book cover. (I have a few versions of myself);
A calm, pleasant vibe - your smiling inside. You know who you really are. (most of the time) ;)
Remember, no one feels these things all of the time. We all have our weak moments - we just have to get right back up. How? Well, I am no expert on this - this is a new journey for me too! However, I will share some wisdom from some amazing experts that have inspired me.
This article by Nitika Mor on Self-Love, is short and to the point. I love this article. This is what self-love is really about. Enjoy!
This article by Ellen Bard is AWESOME! Be sure to implement a few of the tips for self-care for mind, body and soul. They are creative and fun and I am excited to try them all! I've checked a few off so far, but turning them into habits is the real challenge. I know you will enjoy this!
Also, be sure to follow my good friend, cousin and the person who started me on this journey, inadvertently, funnily enough - Michella Menolascina. Michella will be hosting an evening with us later this fall speaking about self-love. Stay tuned!
And finally, I’d like to hear from you on what Real Confidence means to you. Please comment below or in person when you visit us. Let’s share our own thoughts/best practices.